Have you ever had one of those times of trial when you are through the trial, but just can’t get over the memories? Then little things happen to keep those memories alive and in the way of truly moving on and past that trial? I lived in a trial and with memories for 2 years and at times it was miserable. Let me take you back about 2 years and explain.
It is the summer of 2008, some incredible things happened that summer; some of them I was expecting and some I only dreamed would happen, but they did. I would not change anything about that summer, then comes the last year of high school! It was bittersweet, but I was pretty stoked nonetheless. The year started really well, but one thing little thing after another started piling up and created drama up to my eye balls. I do not wish to go into many details on here, other than to say, my family and I were miserable. I do have some happy memories of this year, but many sad and hurting memories. My parents at one point gave me the option to move to Virginia with my aunt and graduate from the Christian school where she teaches, but I could not imagine moving away from my family yet, so I decided to stay, because ‘that which does not kill only makes you stronger.’ Fast forward to May 2009, well I made it! Although I thought that year was going to kill me, I survived. Summer 2009 was great and I was excited for college at Piedmont Baptist College in Winston-Salem, NC. Although I would miss my family, moving to NC was great and a way to avoid some memories of high school. When I got to campus, I saw something that shocked me. I couldn’t believe it and now looking back I know I didn’t handle it in the right way. I acted awful and let Satan have control of my emotions and memories. I finally got to a point where I thought everything from the past year was behind, but still satan used little things like facebook and basketball games to bring back memories and bitterness that would turn to anger. Nothing I could do could get rid of the memories, but I heard a song and a major line in it is, ‘Heal the wound, but leave a scar a reminder of how merciful You are.’ That was the prayer of my heart.
Now we are to 2011! The year was great until a Saturday, February 18, 2011 to be exact. It should have been my typical Saturday some baking, homework and cleaning, although I wanted with everything in me to defy my parents and drive to Summersville, WV to watch my brother play my alma mater in the WVCAT tournament. I knew this was going to be a great game, but my parents said to stay at school and I could not defy them. I stayed, but I was miserable. I should have been in the kitchen baking for a couple orders I had for church on Sunday, but after I finished one order, I had to go sleep for a bit. I was so sick. I was letting Satan get to me with memories of the past and the horrible things that happened. My head hurt, my stomach hurt and I was miserable just thinking of my parents being in the environment they were and me not being there. I decided I needed to get out of my dorm room, which was needed. My Sunday school teachers were having a movie party at their house, so I went in hopes it would distract me. It did and I was fine for a couple days, then I found out something else. A friend of mine was coming to visit school. I should have been happy, but again Satan was attacking my thoughts. I was letting him replace the good memories I had with the bad ones I was trying to forget. I could not handle another day like Saturday, but God convicted me of some things after a long talk with Him. I was finally relinquishing control over to God. No matter the hurt and pain that was caused, I had no right to carry all of it with me for 2 years. God is bigger than any situation. I took care of some things on facebook and that friend and I had lunch together and settled some things. I can say it was the first time in a LONG time that I was able to see people for who they are not how they hurt me. It was so selfish of me to hang on to the frustration, anger and bitterness for two years, but by God’s grace He is helping me get past it by bringing me to this wonderful mountaintop!
No comments:
Post a Comment